i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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