Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
