somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
