If i come over, it means nothing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
