They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize