i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
