So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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