We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
