just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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