It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
