honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
