i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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