come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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