I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
