so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize