it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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