If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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