She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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