i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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