Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
