Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
