I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
