sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
