Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
