my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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