Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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