doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize