another moral hangover. fuck.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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