She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
