i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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