youre lurking in front of me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
