at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
