it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
