so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just invented taco cereal.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
