Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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