I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
