Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
