So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Even my vagina gasped.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
