I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
