Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
