My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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