Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
