Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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