420 ftw
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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