watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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