he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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