respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
