you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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