Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
