he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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