You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
