I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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