ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
