I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Can I color on your dick again?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
