Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
