I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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