Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
