I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
