PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come see our sink grown plant.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
