38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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