Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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