That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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