haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
