I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
