I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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