Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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