Me too!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just found puke in my bra..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
